THE EXPENDABLES 2...MY REVIEW

OH YES, I WILL DO MOVIE REVIEWS IN MY BLOG

**

stars

What do you get when almost every action star of the 80's and 90's except Michael Dudikoff and Sho Kuzuki (hey they were BUSY) appear in one film? you get what we saw in the 80's and 90's" PURE CORNINESS.

SOMETIMES THAT'S A GOOD THING.

THE EXPENDABLES 2 is LOUD, LOUD and moreso LOUD but that's expected, and I mean in the first 10 seconds, you will see how LOUD it is. Explosions, senseless killings, horrible dialogue, yes ITS THE 80'S AGAIN. not a bad thing.

Sly Stallone is back with his team of mercenaries to get "even" with Bruce Willis demands (I dunno) to get some kind of device that looks like a box for a wedding ring so it wont get into the wrong hands. Well it gets into the wrong hands (duh) by a terrorist (a SUPERB JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME....YES I SAID IT) who wants to do....something with it. Its some kind of nuclear thingy that can make a profit with God knows who and blah blah blah WHO CARES, right? Story means nothing in movies like this cause we're the audience and we're SOOOO DUMB.

Tragedy happens as one of the mercenaries are killed (no guys, its not Terry Crews so relax) and this makes Stallone pissed and makes his face more droopy. Along comes some asian woman who always had the same screwface expression in every scene (where was Michelle Yeoh???) to help the group in the "defuse the bomb terrortiory", Jet Li says "I've done my part, ADIOS" and was never seen again, Chuck Norris reminded me of the Spider Man in FAMILY GUY where he just pops out of nowhere with his web shot and says "everyone only gets ONE" (YOU GOTTA BE A FAN OF FAMILY GUY TO KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT) and finally AH-NOLD...ugh. Was he really that bad of an actor or was I just a blind kid?

Speaking of acting, it was hard to understand these guys diction, especially Dolph. Every talked like they were related to Cookie Monster saying the most dumbest shit like "REST IN PIECES" C'MON STALLONE, you can do better than that. How bout "GO FOR IT"??

But I don't want to be negative, lets talk about whats good:

These Hemmsworth brothers are VERY TALENTED (Liam & Thor Chris who wasn't in the film), yeah his monologue scene looked like he was auditioning to get into Julliard, but he has skills. I have to say besides JCVD, this has to be VAN DAMME'S best work. He was very SHORT, believable and I wanted to see more of him and the reason why he was doing all this. His fighting skills are still up to par at his 50's-I expect Hollywood to use him more unless he fucks it up again with drugs. 

I actually preferred the first Expendables because it had some depth with the characters-this one was just "LETS ADD HIM HERE AND SAY DUMB SHIT AND THEN HE VANISHES" like we're playing toys. This is not bad, but it wasn't GREAT. Sometimes sequels are better than the original and sometimes it doesn't work leaving the third installment better than all. Rumor has it Clint, Cage, Wesley and the Harrison (who needs a hit BAD) may join forces but tell you the truth...I'm getting tired seeing these old guys doing unbelievable action scenes, saying dumb lines.

I WANNA SEE MICHAEL DUDIKOF AND SHO KUZKI DAMMIT. 

Oh yeah

they're BUSY.

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