I'm going to name 10 films that have inspired me not just to become a better person but a better actor and filmmaker; however I'm going to start with the worst.
These are films that if I did something wrong and you tie me up, stuck me in a room to force me to watch these films, I WOULD DIE, GO TO HEAVEN and meet Jesus. These are bad like a mug.
So here's the films that pisses me off that some douchebag greenlit this piece of donkey balls trash.
1. MAC AND ME
The ultimate WORST movie ever. Its so bad that I don't even remember the plot nor do I care to look it up on imdb. All I remember was seeing this as a kid and I hated it then. I know it was an E.T wanna be knockoff but the ailens themselves wasn't even cute. I remember some scene where scary Ronald McDonald was dancing in Mcdonalds looking like the clown from "IT". I dont need to elaborate on this nor do I need to netflix this because I will get pissed off like I netflix a film I used to love as a kid and now is on this list...
2 .HOWARD THE DUCK
Well let me rephrase myself-I kinda like this when I was a kid but knew it was bad. As an adult watching this with my son who told me 20 minutes into it to shut it off, I saw the light. THIS MOVIE IS BEYOND BAD. The character itself is not appealing nor interesting. Who cares of a duck who came from a duck planet with duck porn (what??) crashing into earth to join a chick band who looks like ducks themselves. Its not funny, its dark and the villian...omg I always knew he wasn't RIGHT-the actor who plays the villian is doing time for child pornography. Boy the connection with Porn and Howard the Duck gets more interesting as I write this. George Lucas was on SOMETHING producing this mess.
3. STREET FIGHTER
This is a pure example for actors to always choose your projects wisely because you never know when your time on earth is gonna run out; sadly prestige actor Raul Julia took the advice of his son to do this film and it turned out to be his last. DAMN DAMN DAMN. Nominated for an Oscar, respected in the theatre and your last film is a piece of crap movie staring a coked up Jean Claude Van Damme who suppose to play an American with no American Accent in this lame video gam adaption. The ending alone, the last shot of the film has to be the worst piece of celluoid ever made in history. Speaking of actors not choosing wisely...
4. BATMAN & ROBIN
End of an era of the Batman flicks until Long Wolfe Nolan saved the day but this was just so God awful even George Clooney said so. George was so bad as a bobble head Batman that he made Adam West version look like Al Pacino. Writers of superhero films please take this note: WHENEVER YOU ADD MORE THAN ONE OR TWO VILLIANS IN ONE MOVIE, ITS A DISASTER. Lets see, POISON IVY, BANE, MR.FREEZE...way too much to follow. It was like watching a Halloween party. Way too colorful, script was lame and Batman and Robin had 0 chemistry together along with Batgirl. One of the worst SUPERHERO MOVIES besides THE PUNISHER (Tom Jane one)
5. STAR WARS: EPISODE 1-3
I truly wish George Lucas would've left this alone with Episode 4, 5 and the muppet show but no, we just have to see the beginning of everything. The beginning of Anakin Skywalker played by some kid who couldn't act to save his life but wait...no one in these movies were good. Not even great actors like Liam Nieson, Natalie Portman and Ewan McGregor-very bland and robotic...but I don't put the blame on them, I BLAME LUCAS for his poor direction, poor script with wooden dialogue. The first episode was dreadful watching all this SENATE crap that I cared nothing about, then this lovely dovey cougar dating crap in episode 2. Episode 3 would've been great if there wasn't so much lame and dry fight scenes, dialogue and being too colorful. This is one of those things where an idea should just STAY an idea. Episode 4,5 and Kermit DE frog ewok film STILL stands on its on as classics.
6 .GIGLI
A PURE WASTE OF TIME. Ben Affleck, thank God has found his niche in directing great films like GONE BABY GONE and THE TOWN was cleary pussywhipped by JLO to do this damn thing about two criminals protecting a retard kid from the mafia. Affleck aka BENAFLECK (say it real fast as one word. Sounds like a medicine for a headache right?) was never a Pretty boy type from head to toe until he met JLO who wanted her Boston man clean cut. He looks so uncomfortable in this film that his bad acting looks legit. JLO....nah thats too easy.
Play that damn song she sang for the soundtrack and I'm yanking my skin off my body. "bbbabaaby i waaant jewwwwwwww, baaaabby ii neeeedd jewwwwwww" OMG
7. BELLY
I dont give a damn that its considered a "cult classic in the hood", this was a film that I almost walked out of. The movie for starters needs a light bulb so we can actually SEE what's going on. Second, it needs, like most bad films, here we go, it needs...TADA...A SCRIPT. Yes a STORY, not this homey street motto where we get a bunch of non acting rappers trying to be Michael Coreleone and Tony Montana, get some hot hoochie girls and tell the director "a yo so lets do this. I come out the room cause he was wit your man, knowhatumsayin, and I bee like (points his two guns) BLADDDDAH blasting yo". Thus the reason why all these stupid characters pop in and out. I hated every minute of this music video looking film made by a music video director Hype Williams.
8. SPEED RACER
I PAID TO SEE THIS.
$12. IN THE THEATRE
WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE
Makers of THE MATRIX. Wow. What a screw up. This falls into the same catagory as BELLY-All flash and no story. First off this was a film that should not have been made. What is so exciting about CAR RACING FILMS??? NONE. No matter if its in the future, the past, present, its BORING. DAYS OF THUNDER?? HELLO??? Speed Racer was too old for young audiences to grasp thats why it failed at the box office. I was so bored that I fell asleep a couple of times.
9.TRANSFORMERS PART 2
I REALLY HATED THIS FILM SO MUCH IT MADE ME MAD. I'm not even gonna discuss the two negro transformers with the bling but Michael Bey really tried to insult my intelligence with this lame, corny, noisy mess of a movie that looks like trash cans fighting. I was appalled to hear so much profanity for a "kids" film when I took my son to see it when one of them said "Punk ass Deceptacons) I wanted to walk out with him but my son wasn't having that.
10. COP OUT
I cant say much about this. This is no lie, in the first 5 minutes when I saw it in the theatre, I heard Tracey Morgan's voice interrogating and I just walked out. I know it was heading for disaster and Kevin Smith only did it for the money so why waste my time?
ok so I vented and got that out of my system. What are your worst films? I know I forgot some like HUDSON HAWK, ISHTAR, etc etc etc etc
-end of line
A few of these are crummy, and so bad that I’ve permanently erased them from my memory until now. I remember loving Street Fighter as a kid since I played the video game quite a bit. I almost spewed my coffee everywhere when I read your line about Van Damme being an American without the American accent – hilarious! I’ll have to add a few of these titles to my Blockbuster @Home queue because to be honest I haven’t watched a few of them like the Star Wars movies. It’s a good thing that I can rent these because I’ve heard from some of my co-workers at Dish that they can be hard to find. Plus I’d hate to spend any money on them, especially if they stink. Thanks for the warnings!
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